that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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