hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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