Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
