Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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