i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
