wat bout pragnant strippers??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
