my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
