This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
