In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
