Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
