KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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