Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
