FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
