I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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