Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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