where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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