Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think your dad took our porno
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
