areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
