Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
