Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
