Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
