Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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