After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
