i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
barbara walters just said penis...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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