man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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