and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need a beard to bite.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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