I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You dont lie about slip and slides
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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