The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize