since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
