i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
