am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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