i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
