Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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