i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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