if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
