So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
