We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
why is half of my head shaved?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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