i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
