I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
