I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
