So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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