I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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