He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
