Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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