Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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