I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
