Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
