You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
