She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
