Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
