You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
