Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
