Soap is not a condiment
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
