I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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