Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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