wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
