Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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