Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
