Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
