Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize