I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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