i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
