shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
