and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
