so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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