Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
