Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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