things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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