...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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