What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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