I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
