let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
