I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
